I’ll be doing fine.
I’ll be able to stand on the scale and see the number and be okay.
I’ll look in the mirror and love what I am, not hate what I am not.
but then.
But then I eat something
and all of a sudden I am
larger than life; I am too big
for my clothes, too big to
be loved, too big for myself.
and then
i want to be gone.
i want to be anyone or anything
but who i am.
i want to shrivel up and
die
because my self hatred weighs
on me
far heavier than the number on the scale,
and it is too goddamn big.
the hopelessness that
i will forever have this body
that i hate is suffocating
me.
let
me
suffocate.
Silenticel 