Opening

the door’s been locked for
quite some time now. 
i’ve clasped the keys between
my fingers for so long
i seem to have forgotten i had them. 
it’s hard to let go
when my hand doesn’t know how
to unclench itself anymore. 
it’s painful,
to let the light in.
i have not yet adjusted. i do not yet have
the nerve to
walk through the door frame, 
where vague memories reside. 
these days i’m mostly
nerves, mostly
apprehension.
a steady vibration, a constant
feeling of free fall
in my stomach. i want to
expose my eyes
to things beyond my wooden wall, 
but what if
keeping this door open draws people
inside, and they dirty
my floors or break
my lamp or empty out
my fridge? what if
opening the door leaves me
hollow?