some mornings the sun shines
a bit differently
through my blinds, and
the fog’s already settled in
my stomach, signaling that
today will hurt– that i will cry
over the if only’s that make me feel
so
heavy.
these days are hard, but
they are not the worst.
the worst days are when the sun
shines brightly through the blinds, but
my insides have not yet thawed.
abruptly– a blow to the chest
and i am caught
off guard, gasping for
breath, reaching for
anything or anyone that can
save me from this feeling of
drowning. only to
realize i am not
drowning– if only
it were that easy. but
nobody can give me their hands
and pull me to
safety.
all i can do is listen to
the tick tock of my heartbeat–
not knowing when it will end;
constantly in fear of when it will return.
Silenticel 