I’ve heard that quote that says ‘do one thing every day that scares you.’ But what if every day is a nightmare that I’m not quite sure how to navigate? What if every day in itself terrifies me? What then?

the unpredictability of my state of mind makes life similar to a haunted house ride // a.s.m

i tried, i tried
so hard not to
step on your toes, even though
sometimes i felt like
you’d intentionally poke them out
under the crack of your door to see if
i might do it anyway.

i tried so hard to
make sure
you had room to breath;
that when you looked over your shoulder
i wasn’t always there. even though
sometimes all i wanted to do was kiss you.

i let you breathe.
i let you breathe without me.
and i think you realized that
sometimes the air is fresher when you’re alone.

a.s.m

I am so tired of having to try so hard to make you happy, only to lose myself in the process.

If I cannot make you happy simply by breathing, perhaps I cannot make you happy at all.

if you really loved me, i wouldn’t have to try so hard to make you happy: a person who loves you will be overjoyed simply because you are alive // a.s.m

the past is
the past is passed.
and i know i need to stop
looking through the binoculars backwards,
but for some reason
i keep seeing little flecks of you
in the glass when i look through my windshield, 
and i wonder if it’s your reflection from behind me. 

i see you laughing. i want to 
be the reason for that laugh,
to be next to you so i can hear it.
but i know it’s
something she said
that’s so funny,
and that you’ve already forgotten
the way i snort when i laugh.
she doesn’t snort when she laughs.
i wonder if you like that better. 

i wonder if  you wish you could hear me
laughing too. 
i wonder if you’ll see a photo of me in a hot air balloon
in August and wish you had been there to hold my  hand
as i looked over the edge because you know 
my fear of falling 
from great heights.

checking up on an ex will only bring pain, i promise. // a.s.m

please don’t leave me alone
tonight. there are spiders
in the corners of my mind,
spinning webs that spell out his name
and i’m afraid
if your arms aren’t wrapped
around me i will soon
be wrapped in silk instead.

please don’t leave me on the nights i need you the most // a.s.m

PSA

Recently I’ve been busy at work and haven’t had as much time to sit down and write a poem everyday. So some of my poems are really sloppy or unfinished and not so great, and I get embarrassed about posting them on tumblr because I’m like “Oh what if everybody thinks I suck and they stop following me?” or “what if it doesn’t get any notes and then I feel bad about my writing?” But then I remembered that I made this blog as a place to consolidate all my writing: whether it be drafts or fleeting thoughts or things I’ve thought of in the shower, etc. and that I have just been blessed enough along the way to have gained all these followers who think the things I write are worth something.

So I decided I’m just going to post all my random shenanigans. I don’t want to be so concerned about the beauty of my writing (especially of the drafts I post) that I don’t share my ideas at all, because that is the main point of poetry for me– not necessarily the beauty in the way the words flow or express an idea (though when done well it really does accentuate and drastically change/improve a poem)– but the ideas themselves. And so I will share with you all my rough drafts and not-so-perfect poems so that I can still share my ideas with you all, and maybe motivate some of you who are scared to share your writing to do so, because you have to start somewhere and not all beautiful poems are written in one draft.

❤️❤️❤️❤️ I love you all!