If

if i can forget
my best friend’s birthday,
my ex’s phone number,
a drunken night,
then maybe I
will forget
you, too.

I Can Feel The Distance

The way the wind’s blowing, we are
between autumn and winter, you see.
We are
falling apart from each other,
we are
decaying debris
that will soon be buried and
forgotten underneath white.

Maze

All my mind is what if’s and self accusation,
but I know our limbs didn’t fit together quite right.
I know we both were in our heads far more than
we were in each other’s arms, and that
even with you next to me, we were galaxies apart.
And like any other maze,
we knew there was only one way out.
Yet we ran through narrow corridors and high walls,
frantically searching for anything
but dead ends.

In-Breath, Out-Breath

I know that all I can do is count my breaths instead of the days.

My Name Never Really Fit On Your Lips Anyway.

Your grand plans
reflected in your irises but
your mind was never here
with me.

You only knew how to
listen with your ears, so
when I spoke with
my eyes, I could scream and still
not be heard.

Your hands were frantic–always
moving, always reaching, always
grabbing– for something in the future.
You zig-zagged across
stepping stones.

You wanted to crown everything
on your to-do list, and my name
was at the bottom. So
I will check myself off for you,
my dear, because
my name does not belong buried
at the base of your toy chest.

The Poem I Didn’t Want To Write (I hoped this wouldn’t be about you)

I said
they were all sad.
That they were about
pillow-hearts ripped
at the seams, and feeling small
enough to be folded and tucked into
your shoe–forgotten about until
one day I’d tickle your toes, and
you’d pull me out–soft and
worn at the edges.
That I hoped they’d
never be about you.

And yet, I am
overstuffed, spilling over with
all of the words I wished
I’d pushed off the edge of
my lips
before I walked away. I am
praying on this paper
just to keep myself
sane,
just to keep myself from
crying about one more person
I’m supposed to stop loving;
one more person
I’m supposed to forget.

Broken Heart

The halves of my heart are in a fight.
The left will not speak to the right.

Reality

Memories fade to dreams and dreams disguise themselves as memories; soon I cannot distinguish between the two.

I Think I Love Him

I’m okay
except for
the fact that when you ask me if I am,
instead of thinking about him,
I cannot stop thinking
of how your eyes are the color of
burnt caramel.

But if it’s frozen and full of tar, it can never break

When your eyes freeze and turn to ice
I need to run or
I am impaled by your words
like darts—the poison
seeps into my blood stream and
I carry the venom
inside me until it claws at me
from inside my veins, restless
to get out.

So much
venom thickens my blood to tar and
fills the cracks of my heart
with lead,
and the only way to forgive myself for
being cold enough to freeze you, too, is
to let it out.

So when they scratch
and wriggle in my veins,
I cut them loose and
watch the black venom
drip out.