Pink Thread

wingedpiglets:

You wrapped your finger around the loose end
and pulled and pulled and pulled until
it broke;
an absentminded afterthought
hurriedly shoved into the armrest of my car
on your way out.
The hemmed end of your shirt left frayed and
blowing in the wind as
you walked away;
a sad reminder of how it used to be before
it’s innards were pulled out.

Weeks fall away and it still sits there—
the small ball of pink thread;
the mark of your territory on my heart.
The last piece of you. The only thing
holding us together.

The Seance

we drove
with the windows down
even though it wasn’t quite warm 
because it wasn’t cold, either.

and the boy with the curly hair
played Meat Loaf with the volume
at 37: 
And I would do anything for love
I’d run right into hell and back… 

i see your phantom whoosh
past on the side of the road
and wonder if i ever truly
felt your love, or
if it was just a ghost, 
too. 

we lock eyes. 
i laugh a laugh i thought 
i’d lost after i met you 

and watch you dissolve 
in the rearview mirror. 

the smell of liquor
on your breath and the words
that you hid at the
bottom of the bottle. 
the way you only looked at me
with longing when
your eyes were glazed over. 
a series of mistaken midnight black-outs
that just kept happening
because i still hadn’t learned
the second or third time
around.

everything you feel when you hear your ex’s name // a.s.m

while i slither out from
under the covers
below the black
sky that sparkles like diamonds in the light
and start jogging along the dirt
path at the end of your driveway,
you are dreaming
of your childhood dog.
everything in life seems a little brighter
after it’s gone.

i pull my socks off
my feet and push my toes into the dust.
i miss being dirty, i miss
the earth.
a cartwheel– the first time
my hands have touched the
dry ground in so long.
i am a child.

i pull off the scarf
around my neck,
the one you gave me
for my birthday last year, and
let it drop behind me.

i rip off
my white button-down shirt,
my black pants, my boxers.
i am free, falling
to the ground, melting
into the earth, i am clean
i am clean.

i am running, loose,
in the opposite direction
of your house. i am running into
the full moon.
tomorrow you will be
in my past life.
soon this, too, will seem bright.

running away from you, running towards something i’m not sure of yet. // a.s.m

i am falling apart:
a 1000-piece puzzle 
even i gave up on
half-way through.
you are the wind, blowing
my pieces every
which way and
i cannot catch them all.
the universe is shining
in my eyes,
so i let my hands down
to my side and watch
myself go.

thank you for tearing me apart. it allowed me to become someone new. // a.s.m

You Break It, You (Don’t) Buy It

I. She was a wide-eyed wonder with 
   a virgin neck of porcelain. 
   Her body did not know what it was like
   to be dropped on the concrete. 

II. You’d put her in your pocket
    while you walked, wrapped
    in bubble wrap and styrofoam, and
    only exposed her
    when you needed the time. 
    But you’d always wrap her up again; 
    you could never be too careful. 

III. All this 
    wrapping and unwrapping has become
    tedious, and your
    fingerprints are fogging up her eyes
    anyway, so maybe there’s
    no point. 

IV. You walk with her in your palm; swinging
     your arms to 
     the rhythm of her breath. 
     She’s covered 
     in stickers and flower 
     thorns. 

V. She slips from your fingers and
    hits the ground. 
    Shards of her veins
    explode on the pavement. 
    Her eyes glaze over–sticky
    with your fingerprints. 
    Her neck is covered in 
    blossoming violets and roses
    you willed to bloom with 
    your breath. 
    Her hands are
    cold and cracked. 

VI. She is too far
     beyond repair, 
     and all you know how to do
     is destroy. 

VII.You step on her and
     walk away.

I love you, but…

Since when does
I love you
not mean
I love you?
Since when does it mean
I love you but…
You’renotenoughthere’ssomeone
elseletsjustbe
friendsIthinkIneedsome

space.

Since when have I been
telling myself
I love you, but…
Yourthighsaretoobigyourcheeks
aretoochubbyyourlegsaretoo
shortyourstomach’stoo
flabby.

Since when have I
expected to hear
I love you,
but
be treated like
I love you, but…

How long has love
been a lie?
How long have you been saying
I love you
but
wanting more?
Because
I love you
is not
I love you, but…

 

I love you
is
you’reperfecttome,Iknowyour
flawsbutstillandwillalways
want you, only you.

I cannot blame you.
You lied to me,
but
I love you.