Tag: breakup

Fenton

i walked to the river today–

the one we hiked to 
on
our first date.

I sat in the flowers,
the same ones I sat in when

you looked at me like

I was something

you’d never seen before

and asked me what music I liked.

I walked to the river today–the one
you and I got lost

trying to find.

I hiked the trail to 
the rock where
you told me I was beautiful

for the first time.

Do you still hear my laugh

in the ripples of the river?
Do you still listen for me

when the trees sing like the rain?

Because despite all the time that’s passed,
I still see your eyes in the summer grass

between my fingers, 
and these
waters will always 
whisper your name.

I’ll Still Think of You When I Smell Cigarette Smoke

I’m sinking into the air again.
I reach out to grab your hand
but all I get is smoke. 

You aren’t anywhere to be found.
I’m getting used to turning around
and not seeing you there. 

You said you’d always be there for me. 
I found it easy to believe– 
it’s what I needed to hear. 

You made that promise long ago.
It’s my fault, I should have known
you don’t keep them so well.

And I know life swept you off your feet,
took you places you’d never dreamed.
I just thought you’d take me, too. 

So I’ve learned at the end of the day
everybody goes their own way.
I guess I should let go. 

It’s that much easier for you to suffocate me now that your hands aren’t in mine.

because if i’m not holding your hands then they’re around my neck, and every time you smile without me hurts a little bit

Impossible Equation

in physics class
i learned
the further you fall,
the harder the landing:
F=ma.

i fell
for you at
90 miles per hour
without a parachute.

if the force of your lips
saying you do not love me
is like a thousand hammers
pounding at my heart,
what is the mass of
the empty shell
that remains?

I See You Clearer From Farther Away

i’ve stopped counting:
the numbers, the macros,
and the days since we last
spoke. the months
we could have been, 
the times i will miss, and
the moments
i wish i could erase you.
i’d been trying to start the car
with the house keys– hoping maybe
if i tried hard enough, 
we’d still be able to run. 
from Neptune i now see that
all those numbers never added up
to anything.

You’re Still Replaceable

Before you pride yourself on being so hard
for me get over, remember that you broke the heart of a girl
who: falls in love with
sticks and leaves, and keeps her favorites
in the backseat of her car. 
cries at crimson sunsets. 
tiptoes around insects on the 
sidewalk. 
feels too much and not enough. 
sees beauty in everyone 
but herself. 
does not understand the concept of loving
halfheartedly. 
jumps in puddles and digs 
her toes in the mud.
lies in the middle of the street at night
just to feel her heart race. 
was never taught how to 
put herself first. 

You broke the heart of a girl with emotions like
rain drops in a torrent, 
an ingenuous heart that still hasn’t learned 
that hardening is much safer. 
A girl reckless enough to tear open 
the stitches, to risk bleeding out
to love you. 
You sawed through the tissues
that never had time to congeal. 

You’re hard to get over because
I opened my wounds for you, and 
every time I pick my scabs, they take 
a little longer to heal; they leave
a deeper scar. 

Why do I miss someone who doesn’t exist? Why do I miss something that wasn’t even real?

it’s always going to seem better in your memories than it really was, but remember why you did it. remember that you are worth it. 

Maze

All my mind is what if’s and self accusation,
but I know our limbs didn’t fit together quite right.
I know we both were in our heads far more than
we were in each other’s arms, and that
even with you next to me, we were galaxies apart.
And like any other maze,
we knew there was only one way out.
Yet we ran through narrow corridors and high walls,
frantically searching for anything
but dead ends.

My Name Never Really Fit On Your Lips Anyway.

Your grand plans 
reflected in your irises but
your mind was never here
with me. 

You only knew how to
listen with your ears, so
when I spoke with
my eyes, I could scream and still
not be heard. 

Your hands were frantic–always
moving, always reaching, always
grabbing– for something in the future.
You zig-zagged across 
stepping stones. 

You wanted to crown everything
on your to-do list, and my name
was at the bottom. So
I will check myself off for you,
my dear, because
my name does not belong buried
at the base of your toy chest.