i’ve never not wanted to write
about love before,
but every minute
my pen is to this paper
is a thought you have without me,
a smile i may miss,
a lost opportunity to tell you
i love you i love you
i love you.
‘go as high as you can possibly take me.’
you sold me a piece of paper and
told me it would make me
fly.
now i’m crashing into walls,
you’re terrorizing my mind.
this shit is going up in smoke,
my mind before my heart.
you once said you’d rather die
than watch me burn, but
i am almost all ashes
and your heart’s still beating
on rhythm. when did you realize
you had told us both a lie?
you said you wouldn’t let me burn.
how long have you been
playing with fire?
i think perhaps
small bits of my
heart are eroding
off and being
carried through my blood
stream to my brain because
i’ve been having trouble
separating the two
lately. i’m worried
pieces
of my heart have
taken root in the striatum
(an invasive species on once fertile soils):
i fear i may do
something stupid.
eyes of the hurricane. lips
booming thunder, hurling words
at hundreds of miles per hour.
there was nothing quiet about you.
My therapist once told me that overcoming an addiction is a daily battle: I will always crave a cigarette on my lunch breaks, and I will always instinctively reach for a razor blade when life is on overdrive. Every day is a war with my mind to not give in to itself. I wonder if it’s going to be like that with you, too. I wonder if every day I will fight not to pick up the phone just so I can hear your voice.
i walked to the river today–
the one we hiked to
on
our first date.
I sat in the flowers,
the same ones I sat in when
you looked at me like
I was something
you’d never seen before
and asked me what music I liked.
I walked to the river today–the one
you and I got lost
trying to find.
I hiked the trail to
the rock where
you told me I was beautiful
for the first time.
Do you still hear my laugh
in the ripples of the river?
Do you still listen for me
when the trees sing like the rain?
Because despite all the time that’s passed,
I still see your eyes in the summer grass
between my fingers,
and these
waters will always
whisper your name.
Silenticel 