the day you told me you loved me,
i cried. because
if walking away without saying
a word
while I am telling you how
the darkest parts of my soul seem to be
black holes and
they are sucking me in,
or ignoring me so you can
smoke weed and watch netflix
alone,
or saying I’m not a priority,
means ‘I love you,’
I am terrified that those
three words define
something that doesn’t actually
exist.
unless you’ve been there
when the world has knocked
me in the chest and released
the air from my lungs like a loose balloon;unless you’ve been there
to kiss away the memories i’ve
etched into my skin, unless
you know my scars by name;unless you’ve been there
to simply hold me when
crying becomes like breathing and
i cannot remember how to laugh;unless you’ve been there
to kiss me in the morning
after i’ve stolen the blankets
throughout the night;unless you’ve been there
to call me the day after
i couldn’t say a word, unless
you’ve stayed through dinner
with my family, unless
you’ve stuck around even though
sometimes i scare you shitless;unless you’ve kissed my forehead
after dining with me in hell,
do not tell me
you love me.
Silenticel 