i asked you for space,
but i don’t think your shadow understood
because i see it’s reflection in the sky
in the shape of the crows when they fly.
i know you have no reason
to not want to say goodbye,
but remember how i made you feel
when i whispered my way into your ear
to form mountains up and down your spine,
where your imagination would crawl to
places i did not know existed.
the past is
the past is passed.
and i know i need to stop
looking through the binoculars backwards,
but for some reason
i keep seeing little flecks of you
in the glass when i look through my windshield,
and i wonder if it’s your reflection from behind me.i see you laughing. i want to
be the reason for that laugh,
to be next to you so i can hear it.
but i know it’s
something she said
that’s so funny,
and that you’ve already forgotten
the way i snort when i laugh.
she doesn’t snort when she laughs.
i wonder if you like that better.i wonder if you wish you could hear me
laughing too.
i wonder if you’ll see a photo of me in a hot air balloon
in August and wish you had been there to hold my hand
as i looked over the edge because you know
my fear of falling
from great heights.
You were only
the second person
I understood how to love.
I was naive– I still hadn’t learned
that love isn’t
bleeding out onto the card table
and showing everyone your hand;
that in order to win,
you had to bluff.And I came in like a hurricane and
tore apart the small space
you had just started feeling like you could call home.
I asked for a room– you weren’t sure
you had any.But I made myself a copy
of your keys and slept
at the foot of your bed until
you finally started leaving
extra eggs in the frying pan for me
in the mornings.
But you never were one for routine.You were a runner,
you said. You didn’t like to stay still.
You could find home within yourself but
were too scared to rent out property
in anybody else.I told you I was looking
for a tenant.When I finally started making an indent
in your mattress,
you locked me out.‘It’s too risky,’ you said,
‘this real estate game.’
i walked to the river today–
the one we hiked to
on
our first date.
I sat in the flowers,
the same ones I sat in when
you looked at me like
I was something
you’d never seen before
and asked me what music I liked.
I walked to the river today–the one
you and I got lost
trying to find.
I hiked the trail to
the rock where
you told me I was beautiful
for the first time.
Do you still hear my laugh
in the ripples of the river?
Do you still listen for me
when the trees sing like the rain?
Because despite all the time that’s passed,
I still see your eyes in the summer grass
between my fingers,
and these
waters will always
whisper your name.
Silenticel 