i say i’ll be back soon
knowing full well
soon may not be soon
enough
no matter if it’s now
or in your final momentsit is going to break
my heart, i know
i am denying the inevitable
whether or not this is the last time,
i must learn to say goodbye
for the first time, being without you isn’t what terrifies me. it is the fact that i am without you, and i’m okay.
dust constantly collected
on the windowsills
and in the corners
of the room, but
i liked that because
i always knew where to find it.
a firm
mattress was my muse,
pulling words like taffy
pulling poetry that left
a sweetness on my tongue
and a purpose almost as
defined,
as solid, as sturdy
as the walls.
this was home home until
i grew too big and my limbs
tore down the frame.
all that remains:
my body, full of splinters
and a yearning
for the way
the sleepy sun shone
through the windows.
you moved out of here long ago.
the autumn leaves scrape
the sidewalk and i
remember the first time
you said my name,
the way it rode the October winds.the windows are open
in your old bedroom.
air in one, out the other,
and I wonder if
any of the molecules
sitting on the
empty dresser have been in
your lungs. my heart
seems heavier than these drawers,
hands searching for
something, anything. your scent
in any form
and suddenly
i am standing
in the cul de sac outside
your driveway, watching you write
to me with the flowers
in your garden; breathy lullabies
of roses,
sweet and rotting.
suffocation comes in rainbows
laced with love
crushed between kisses
that draw blood-
red beauty
some of us can only choke
on the breath
of flowers.
there is something holy
in the lines by
your eyes.
heaven exists in between
your front teeth and the way
your lips become
mine.
there is no room for
perfection
while the sun still shines
and the moon glows–
we remain within
light;
the devil does
not exist here.
take a spoon
to my chest and gather
the seeds;
make a bed
for your sorrows.
i will help you grow
from them,
i promise. i will help you
turn them into flowers.
take these torn
up, gouged
out heart parts.
every cavity of
my being is for you.
follow me to the end
of the world.
i want to hear ‘i love you’
echoing off a canyon’s edge;
your laughter, never ending
in the darkness.
your hand in mine,
double helixes of fingers
two plants intertwined,
seeking the same sun.
you’ve learned how to pay the bills:
the one thing you’ll always have
that you can always sell.and you know the market’s always great
for what you’ve got, so
put on your slip
and your face, baby,
and don’t play in the mud
on your way to the corner
tonight.
there’s pressure
beneath this existence:
splintering
the boarded up walls warping
the foundation
providing no security or time
to ask questions or
listen for answers.
only to see and know
what it is to exist. to breathe
what is right in front of you.
put your ear to my chest
just once before
it stops beating;
become familiar with the sound
of the world
coming to an end.
Silenticel 