i am falling apart:
a 1000-piece puzzle
even i gave up on
half-way through.
you are the wind, blowing
my pieces every
which way and
i cannot catch them all.
the universe is shining
in my eyes,
so i let my hands down
to my side and watch
myself go.
i used to dream about you.
now i just drink about you.
eyes of the hurricane. lips
booming thunder, hurling words
at hundreds of miles per hour.
there was nothing quiet about you.
there are no words that i could write
to fully repaint that summer night:
the grass deep green, the sky blood red
the thoughts of death flooding my headthe ghost of your warm hands in mine
mem’ries of green eyes and lips of wine
the only thing i wanted to do
was tangle myself back up in youi sat and watched the city lights
the day slowly melting to night
the way the moon shone– like your face–
drowned the city lights in graceyou left no beauty when you went
my mind gone numb, my heart left spent
i lost control, then came the tears
alone with all my greatest fearsthose tears i shed, the guilt i felt
can’t change the cards that i’ve been dealt
and with each step your face will fade
one day i’ll breathe without you, unafraid.
my mind cannot breathe.
there is too much pain
in here– it has been
sitting for quite some time;
rotting.
suffocating
me.
my heart hangs
from the ceiling fan; a kite
i never really learned
how to fly.
a bloody carousel
i paid too much
to ride.
an exhibit
to be displayed for the rest
of my life, my remains sit
behind plastic wrap walls
that
leave no handprints,
eternally orbiting
emptiness.
it makes sense now, you
being born during hurricane season:
the way your eyes melted
into clouds,
the way you spoke in rain,
the way you tore apart the ground
beneath my feet
(you made it look graceful, though).
you were my life’s greatest
metaphor,
and you’ve left me
looking for explanations
in every corner.
i tried, i tried
so hard not to
step on your toes, even though
sometimes i felt like
you’d intentionally poke them out
under the crack of your door to see if
i might do it anyway.i tried so hard to
make sure
you had room to breath;
that when you looked over your shoulder
i wasn’t always there. even though
sometimes all i wanted to do was kiss you.i let you breathe.
i let you breathe without me.
and i think you realized that
sometimes the air is fresher when you’re alone.
I am so tired of having to try so hard to make you happy, only to lose myself in the process.
If I cannot make you happy simply by breathing, perhaps I cannot make you happy at all.
Silenticel 