My Name Never Really Fit On Your Lips Anyway.

Your grand plans 
reflected in your irises but
your mind was never here
with me. 

You only knew how to
listen with your ears, so
when I spoke with
my eyes, I could scream and still
not be heard. 

Your hands were frantic–always
moving, always reaching, always
grabbing– for something in the future.
You zig-zagged across 
stepping stones. 

You wanted to crown everything
on your to-do list, and my name
was at the bottom. So
I will check myself off for you,
my dear, because
my name does not belong buried
at the base of your toy chest. 

The Poem I Didn’t Want To Write (I hoped this wouldn’t be about you)

I said 
they were all sad. 
That they were about
pillow-hearts ripped
at the seams, and feeling small
enough to be folded and tucked into
your shoe–forgotten about until 
one day I’d tickle your toes, and
you’d pull me out–soft and 
worn at the edges. 
That I hoped they’d 
never be about you. 

And yet, I am
overstuffed, spilling over with
all of the words I wished 
I’d pushed off the edge of
my lips
before I walked away. I am
praying on this paper
just to keep myself
sane, 
just to keep myself from
crying about one more person
I’m supposed to stop loving;
one more person
I’m supposed to forget. 

You Break It, You (Don’t) Buy It

I. She was a wide-eyed wonder with 
   a virgin neck of porcelain. 
   Her body did not know what it was like
   to be dropped on the concrete. 

II. You’d put her in your pocket
    while you walked, wrapped
    in bubble wrap and styrofoam, and
    only exposed her
    when you needed the time. 
    But you’d always wrap her up again; 
    you could never be too careful. 

III. All this 
    wrapping and unwrapping has become
    tedious, and your
    fingerprints are fogging up her eyes
    anyway, so maybe there’s
    no point. 

IV. You walk with her in your palm; swinging
     your arms to 
     the rhythm of her breath. 
     She’s covered 
     in stickers and flower 
     thorns. 

V. She slips from your fingers and
    hits the ground. 
    Shards of her veins
    explode on the pavement. 
    Her eyes glaze over–sticky
    with your fingerprints. 
    Her neck is covered in 
    blossoming violets and roses
    you willed to bloom with 
    your breath. 
    Her hands are
    cold and cracked. 

VI. She is too far
     beyond repair, 
     and all you know how to do
     is destroy. 

VII.You step on her and
     walk away.

I love you, but…

Since when does
I love you
not mean
I love you?
Since when does it mean
I love you but…
You’renotenoughthere’ssomeone
elseletsjustbe
friendsIthinkIneedsome

space.

Since when have I been
telling myself
I love you, but…
Yourthighsaretoobigyourcheeks
aretoochubbyyourlegsaretoo
shortyourstomach’stoo
flabby.

Since when have I
expected to hear
I love you,
but
be treated like
I love you, but…

How long has love
been a lie?
How long have you been saying
I love you
but
wanting more?
Because
I love you
is not
I love you, but…

 

I love you
is
you’reperfecttome,Iknowyour
flawsbutstillandwillalways
want you, only you.

I cannot blame you.
You lied to me,
but
I love you.