Tag: i love you

I. i saw your jar full of wrappers
and thought maybe you’d just developed
a sweet tooth recently. though
it never occurred to me that
white waxy wrappers
can carry
fun-dip powder and pixy stix, too. 

II. i knew something
was wrong when
clouds fogged your eyes (grey and heavy
with rain);
so heavy
they could not look straight.
so heavy
they kept sinking. 

III. at half past midnight you left
to ‘be right back.’
45 minutes later and i felt the thunder
shake the house; i knew
there would be rain 
in your eyes. 
At eight forty-five the next morning 
(you normally never wake up before eleven), 
you ‘stop at a friends’
before breakfast and return 
empty-handed but eyes full, 
veins full, blood full 
of calm, full of ocean waves and 
lullabies, full of 
ice so cold you feel like you’re 
on fire. 

IV. you are forgetting 
more and more 
about me these days. it seems
you’re drifting farther away, 
farther into
your veins. 

V. i know that
i don’t know
how your mind rolls
on the tracks in your skull.
i never will
feel the hunger in your veins
for a needle that bites 
so good. but every time a new
track mark paints your arm,
the train that’s riding them
runs over my heart.

for alex: i see you dissolving in front of me and am not sure what i’m supposed to do. // a.s.m

please please please stop building
these walls just so that you can tell me
i’m crossing the line.
remember when we shared a
womb for nine months?
there were no lines then, just
innocence and warmth. i want
to take you back there.

remember when the doctor explained why
you were so small and weak when you were born?
i took
all the nutrients from the placenta.
i took
your strength, and i wish i could
give it back to you now because
i’m scared to see you fall
knowing i cannot do anything to save you.
i want this to be my fault.
i want to take away this
darkness within you and burn it myself
so i cannot watch
you crumble.

i wish i could transfuse to you all
i’ve learned from the scars
on my arms and thighs and the heartbreak
i’ve been given and the heartbreak i’ve caused
so that you wouldn’t have to feel it all.
i am standing with my hands up
ready to surrender myself in your place, but
i know i cannot do your time
when the prison is within the walls of your mind.

for my brother, Alex: i want to save you from your addiction, but i know you have to learn how to fight it on your own. please know how much i love you. // a.s.m

When I tell you I love you, 
I don’t just mean how
I love the brilliant green of your eyes or
your contagious, body-shaking laughter or
the way you kiss me.
I mean I love 
the face you make before you sneeze
and the way your eyebrows furrow 
when you’re deep in thought
and the way your ears get 
bright red when you’re angry. 
When I say
I love you 
I mean that
I love you and
all of the parts of you that make you
exactly who you are.

there is not one thing i would dare change // a.s.m

I will drive five hours in heavy weekend traffic
so I can see the way your eyes
curve into crescent moons
when you smile.

I will pick up that
ratty couch off the sidewalk
and put it in the trunk of my car
so I can see the gaps between your
teeth when you laugh with joy; 
even though I know
you’re going to put it in the basement and
forget about it.

I will hold your hand and take you
on hikes through tranquil forests
and let the wind infiltrate you
like a new spirit so you will laugh again,
with your whole belly, the way
you used to before him.

I will throw pebbles at your
dorm room window
at 2 a.m. just so you’ll know 
that even when I am awake
I’m dreaming of you, always.

I will slip love notes under your door
when you are not home, so
when you return, you’ll
have a reason to smile.

I will call you
when I know you’re busy so
I can leave a voicemail
telling you how wonderful you are; 
I will always be in your pocket
for you to listen to on days that
never seem to end.

I will buy you small presents for
no reason at all except that
they remind me of you; 
just the thought of
you is a gift to me. 

I will sit with you and hug you
when there’s nothing to say
because even your silence
takes my breath away.

If I love you, I will love you
fully, wholly, completely– with
my entire being, my entire
heart.

My god, if I love you, 
you will know.

and if you haven’t realized it by now, you’re a fool // a.s.m