Tag: idk

please don’t love me. 
nobody knows better 
than i, 
it will be a waste of time. 
i’d love your eyes more than
any eyes in my life, 
i’d lose myself in them 
for weeks at a time and
wake up hungover in
strange places.

well eyes // a.s.m

i want to see all of you,
every inch. every
mountain, every forest,
every ocean, every river
and canyon. i want to know
every mark on the map,
and i want to fall in love
with all of it.
i want to see and know
this is where i belong.
that you are a part of me
as much as i am a part of you.

let me lie in your valleys // a.s.m

the best time to write is when
i’m sorry or sleepy because
the words flow unapologetically–
they do not try so hard to sound good.

there is a drum in the front of my brain,
and I don’t know if it’s
because of the rain or the way
the dentist drilled my gums today.

it is empty in the house, but too loud
with my mother’s anxieties,
and the air is heavy with tears
that are shed once the lights go out– 
shed like room for growth and
thicker walls– 
shed like hair, like skin,
to make room for
something new and healthy and strong.

what do we shed with our tears?
our weakness? our pain?

what do we shed with our tears? // a.s.m

i have been waiting.
through skin untouched
and sallow love.
i have been waiting;
i believe
it has been for you.

could it be
you are a shadow from
my dreams?
your voice,
where have i heard that
tone?
why does it sound so much
like home?

you’re so familiar to me // a.s.m

you moved out of here long ago.
the autumn leaves scrape
the sidewalk and i
remember the first time
you said my name,
the way it rode the October winds.

the windows are open
in your old bedroom.
air in one, out the other,
and I wonder if
any of the molecules
sitting on the
empty dresser have been in
your lungs. my heart
seems heavier than these drawers,
hands searching for
something, anything. your scent
in any form
and suddenly
i am standing
in the cul de sac outside
your driveway, watching you write
to me with the flowers
in your garden; breathy lullabies
of roses,
sweet and rotting.

Autumn // a.s.m

the smell of liquor
on your breath and the words
that you hid at the
bottom of the bottle. 
the way you only looked at me
with longing when
your eyes were glazed over. 
a series of mistaken midnight black-outs
that just kept happening
because i still hadn’t learned
the second or third time
around.

everything you feel when you hear your ex’s name // a.s.m

heavy heart, 
filled with questions
but those eyes are dark 
dripping caves, 
you will never come out 
alive. 

what first stole your
breath
now grabs at your neck, 
squeezing every last 
murmur
out. there’s no use hiding 
in the shadows– those 
irises are made of what
blankets you.

you can’t hide // a.s.m

ethereal child, 
even the devil wants to see
the world through your eyes. 
look how they pine. 

ethereal child, 
you have ensnared him, 
no longer red with
lust, but the color of
your vitreous soul. 

ethereal child, do you
feel his fiery fingers
around your forearms,
injecting you like needles?

let go, let go
let the fire burn.

dance with the devil // a.s.m

for the first time, 
i feel a different kind
of alive. 

something is sprouting
within me: a hunger for
the taste of your skin
on my lips, your warmth 
beside me.

i’ve always used a
fork and knife, never
indulged the animal
inside.

but tonight you look
so good.
tonight, i think
i could.

full moon // a.s.m