Even before it hits
it is there, building up
in the depths of my ocean;
churning and ruminating
in my darkness.When it crashes within me
this time, I gasp for breath; for hope
that I can do this alone.
For the first time you are not here
to help me float.
For the first time I must learn
to swim on my own.
there are no words that i could write
to fully repaint that summer night:
the grass deep green, the sky blood red
the thoughts of death flooding my headthe ghost of your warm hands in mine
mem’ries of green eyes and lips of wine
the only thing i wanted to do
was tangle myself back up in youi sat and watched the city lights
the day slowly melting to night
the way the moon shone– like your face–
drowned the city lights in graceyou left no beauty when you went
my mind gone numb, my heart left spent
i lost control, then came the tears
alone with all my greatest fearsthose tears i shed, the guilt i felt
can’t change the cards that i’ve been dealt
and with each step your face will fade
one day i’ll breathe without you, unafraid.
birthdays,
thunderstorms, new relationships,
flowers blooming,
last goodbyes,
tears,
kisses,
weddings,
leaves falling,
sun setting,
first hello’s,
deep laughs that make your eyes
water and your stomach hurt,
sun rising,
long hugs,
flowers withering,
learning self love,
a small orb in a vast
universe spinning
on its axis three hundred and sixty six times
and me
learning to live
without you.
Silenticel 