If only you were in my life as prevalently as you are in my dreams.

you are ubiquitous in my mind, but a ghost in my arms

She feels like a limb I didn’t know I was missing; she feels like home.

the worst part about discovering your missing limb is learning how to live without it again.

Home

You are the
Kermit the Frog doll
I used to carry
under my arm.
The one
I’d never go anywhere without–
the one that smells like
my grandmother’s perfume and blooming
Michigan summers.

You are
my favorite pair of shoes–
the ones
that have my footprints
molded into the soles, and
creases where they bend at
the toes.

You are
the way my pillowcase smells
a week after I wash it–
a cocktail of
dryer sheets and shampoo.

You are hot tea,
a warm blanket, and
a book
while watching the
snow fall.

You are binge watching
my favorite episodes of
Friends in sweatpants
after a long day
at work.

You are every poem
in every piece of my heart,
the home button
on my GPS.

You are my sun; your body against mine is the only warmth I need.

without you it is dark and cold

Toxic

not like fists and
bruises and whiskey
on your breath. not
darkness in eyes and
screaming.
not poison apples,
but i love you’s–
i love you too much.
i love you because i cannot
love myself.
toxic everything i own
in a pile on your floor,
toxic take all that is mine.
toxic maybe we can share
the burden, too.
toxic take, take, take
all the love
i don’t know how to give
myself.

Mary’s Blue

dark blue– like childhood, like
memories. like
sinking into a dream.
bite marks on the black
plastic instead of
on your lips.
covered in stickers
of where you’ve been.
your heart’s been torn
off your sleeve and
the hole it left in the fabric
keeps unraveling.

Key

The hinges of my heart scream
as you try to pry it open.
Haven’t you realized by now, my love,
that no key fits this lock?
That forcing it open will only
break it?

You Only Stayed While You Were High

You rolled me up
and lit me on fire.
You kept me burning
until I dissolved in the
wind and collapsed
into ash–until
I was small enough
to pinch between your fingers;
my ebbing embers smothered on
your skin.

Hitch Hiker

One day
my heart skipped a beat
and I realized you’d made your home
in the caverns between my ribcage.
You treaded on my heart
while it was still soft,
skimming your hands along
the white walls.
You filled
the empty space,
you left nothing
untouched.

Never date someone who makes you feel like shit– you can do that all on your own.

you made me feel like shit and for some reason I thought that’s what I deserved.