Tag: original poetry

I’ve always had strong sea legs and 
a need for perpetual motion.
When I was young I’d stand at the edge
of my father’s boat
and let the waves sway me as they
kissed the hull. The ocean’s child,
she’d rock me to sleep
with sea foam kisses and promises
of serenity.

And when I walked
on the solid ground that
nailed my feet into this planet like a crucifix,
I’d hear no promises of the ocean’s serenity.
I’d put my ear to sea shells just to hear her
whispers, but
I could no longer fall asleep at night, no
matter how much
I rocked myself to and fro.

But last night, as I lay
my ear to your chest, I heard
promises of peace
in the ebb and flow of
your breath. I saw the calm to come
after the storm I have become, and I think
I’ve been waiting my whole life for the ocean
to find me through you.
The way you hold me and rock me like
the waves do;
after years of insomnia, I finally fell asleep.

i’ve been waiting my whole life for the ocean to find me through you. // a.s.m

I’ve heard that quote that says ‘do one thing every day that scares you.’ But what if every day is a nightmare that I’m not quite sure how to navigate? What if every day in itself terrifies me? What then?

the unpredictability of my state of mind makes life similar to a haunted house ride // a.s.m

I am so tired of having to try so hard to make you happy, only to lose myself in the process.

If I cannot make you happy simply by breathing, perhaps I cannot make you happy at all.

if you really loved me, i wouldn’t have to try so hard to make you happy: a person who loves you will be overjoyed simply because you are alive // a.s.m

the past is
the past is passed.
and i know i need to stop
looking through the binoculars backwards,
but for some reason
i keep seeing little flecks of you
in the glass when i look through my windshield, 
and i wonder if it’s your reflection from behind me. 

i see you laughing. i want to 
be the reason for that laugh,
to be next to you so i can hear it.
but i know it’s
something she said
that’s so funny,
and that you’ve already forgotten
the way i snort when i laugh.
she doesn’t snort when she laughs.
i wonder if you like that better. 

i wonder if  you wish you could hear me
laughing too. 
i wonder if you’ll see a photo of me in a hot air balloon
in August and wish you had been there to hold my  hand
as i looked over the edge because you know 
my fear of falling 
from great heights.

checking up on an ex will only bring pain, i promise. // a.s.m

please don’t leave me alone
tonight. there are spiders
in the corners of my mind,
spinning webs that spell out his name
and i’m afraid
if your arms aren’t wrapped
around me i will soon
be wrapped in silk instead.

please don’t leave me on the nights i need you the most // a.s.m

palms to the sky
a patient sacrifice, i’m waiting for ink
to spill from my veins; to taste of something
other than you.

because i haven’t kissed you
in over two months, and yet
you are still in my bloodstream
somehow.
because every fucking poem, every song,
every sunset is about you and
i’m sick of going to sleep
praying for relief from thoughts
of your eyes, only to see them
in my dreams.

and i don’t understand how it’s fair that
you’re biting her bottom lip
the way i used to bite yours and not
thinking of me, and yet i am
hit with memories like rocks
to my temple,
sending my sandcastles
tumbling.

a.s.m

I was your shooting star: just
a bright wish passing by
to get you through a dark time. But
you are my moon, persistently
invading my
thoughts at night and burning
your afterimage into my
mind.

you never loved me, but my love for you is imprinted in my irises // a.s.m

I will drive five hours in heavy weekend traffic
so I can see the way your eyes
curve into crescent moons
when you smile.

I will pick up that
ratty couch off the sidewalk
and put it in the trunk of my car
so I can see the gaps between your
teeth when you laugh with joy; 
even though I know
you’re going to put it in the basement and
forget about it.

I will hold your hand and take you
on hikes through tranquil forests
and let the wind infiltrate you
like a new spirit so you will laugh again,
with your whole belly, the way
you used to before him.

I will throw pebbles at your
dorm room window
at 2 a.m. just so you’ll know 
that even when I am awake
I’m dreaming of you, always.

I will slip love notes under your door
when you are not home, so
when you return, you’ll
have a reason to smile.

I will call you
when I know you’re busy so
I can leave a voicemail
telling you how wonderful you are; 
I will always be in your pocket
for you to listen to on days that
never seem to end.

I will buy you small presents for
no reason at all except that
they remind me of you; 
just the thought of
you is a gift to me. 

I will sit with you and hug you
when there’s nothing to say
because even your silence
takes my breath away.

If I love you, I will love you
fully, wholly, completely– with
my entire being, my entire
heart.

My god, if I love you, 
you will know.

and if you haven’t realized it by now, you’re a fool // a.s.m

unless you’ve been there
when the world has knocked
me in the chest and released
the air from my lungs like a loose balloon; 

unless you’ve been there
to kiss away the memories i’ve 
etched into my skin, unless
you know my scars by name;

unless you’ve been there
to simply hold me when 
crying becomes like breathing and
i cannot remember how to laugh; 

unless you’ve been there 
to kiss me in the morning
after i’ve stolen the blankets 
throughout the night; 

unless you’ve been there
to call me the day after 
i couldn’t say a word, unless 
you’ve stayed through dinner
with my family, unless
you’ve stuck around even though
sometimes i scare you shitless;

unless you’ve kissed my forehead
after dining with me in hell, 
do not tell me
you love me.

do not tell me you love me if you haven’t seen the ugly // a.s.m