so, i am a really big cheeseball, and every time I receive a message on this blog, I screenshot it and save it for a rainy day when I am feeling stuck or low. Today is one of those days, and I am so thankful for all of you. I am so thankful for others who share their writing/artwork with me, and who share parts of themselves with me by connecting to my writing. I am so thankful for the uplifting, kind, and loving messages I have received from people on here. I am truly humbled and in awe and thankful. ❤
Tag: personal
i never hear the ocean
when i put shells to
my ear. instead, i hear
His heavy breathing
from behind as
He pushes me on my bed.
on my disney princess sheets.
instead, i hear the sound
of the washing machine, loaded
with those sheets. those
bloody sheets.
instead, i hear Him
in every creak and groan in
every corner of the house,
each gust of wind that blows
when I walk home alone, every
breath I took after He broke me:
too heavy, too shallow.
hissing and foaming.
sally (sells) // a.s.m
a nuclear bomb has just gone off
in the living room.
the ground bubbles
under pressure, vibrations rising
like heat and the Christmas
tree trembles,
golden orbs shimmying and
dangling precariously off
evergreen cliffs.a mushroom cloud is spreading throughout
every single room in the house.
i stay put but keep my head down.my heart doesn’t palpitate when
the walls start to quiver.
with a smile, i close my eyes and
enjoy the way it feels
as though the house is rocking
me to sleep.there will be plenty of time
to clean up the mess later.
good vibrations: Christmas morning // a.s.m
THINGS YOU DON’T SEE IN THOSE ‘THINSPO’ PHOTOS: self-hatred that weighs far more than any number on a scale. vomit stains on your favorite crop top. hating food but being able to think of nothing else. taking four hours to go grocery shopping because you have to read every goddamn label. your partner fearing their fingertips will break you. running in the park but being so focused on your heart rate monitor that you don’t admire the way the leaves are changing. hunger. HUNGER. HUNGER so deep it hurts. nausea. fainting when you stand up to give a presentation in class. always keeping Altoids in your purse. storing laxatives in the kitchen cabinet because you can’t go without them anymore. emptying your stomach to ignore the emptiness elsewhere. numbers. numbers. you never even liked math but now everything is numbers. everyone is numbers. getting high just so you can eat food and not feel guilty. feeling guilty anyway. hating yourself. self-hatred like boulders in your backpack. self-hatred that weighs far more than any number on a scale.
things you don’t see in “thinspo” photos // a.s.m
i want to bleed tonight.
when nothing makes sense
i want to bleed out because
my heart’s not beating right.i want to bleed tonight because
deep wounds heal eventually; my
favorite reminder that everything ends
up alright.i bleed because i need to know
i am flesh and blood and not a ghost.
the night of 9/23/15: sometimes i still have the urge to hurt myself but i write about it instead of actually doing it. it is not the same. // a.s.m
Silenticel 