you are a pond
in the dead of winterand i heave myself at you like
a stone that shatters
the still surfacesending splinters echoing
through the ice
like small electric currentsi unsettle
the mud that has lain
tranquil at the bottomand i turn the water brown
i scare the fish
away.
we drove
with the windows down
even though it wasn’t quite warm
because it wasn’t cold, either.
and the boy with the curly hair
played Meat Loaf with the volume
at 37:
And I would do anything for love
I’d run right into hell and back…
i see your phantom whoosh
past on the side of the road
and wonder if i ever truly
felt your love, or
if it was just a ghost,
too.
we lock eyes.
i laugh a laugh i thought
i’d lost after i met you
and watch you dissolve
in the rearview mirror.
are you sorry
are you sorry you ever saw me?
do you hate me
for promising i’d never hurt you
and lying?i’ve only shown you new ways to
hurt for the same old reasons
i’ve only made myself someone
you can’t really believe in.
i rolled a five
on the night skythe heavens say we’re tied
i’m tired
of playing with dicewho knows where we’ll land
tomorrow.
by your side
i dream of other skies
other times
even other citiesin two-car gridlock
bittersweet stalemate
no moves to make but
everything at stakei dream of breaking the
glass and bleeding
and healing.
i assured myself his eyes
would always search for me
in the cracks between the pavement
and his ears would listen for me
when the wolves
howled at night.
but now i know
he’s filled those cracks
with softer skin and
while the wolves
howl, his ears are full
of her laughter,
and so
it doesn’t
even
matter.
i am nothing
to him anymore.
and so a piece of me dies.
i am a little less
of who i was before.
Silenticel 