Even When You’re Here

language fails to express
the most profound darknesses of the heart–
the small cracks between the fertile soil of the
soul where only God goes.
There is no one where I am,
seeing through these eyes or
hearing through these ears, or
feeling the darkness in my stomach.
In all that I am,
I am utterly, darkly, alone.

You Only Stayed While You Were High

You rolled me up
and lit me on fire.
You kept me burning
until I dissolved in the
wind and collapsed
into ash–until
I was small enough
to pinch between your fingers;
my ebbing embers smothered on
your skin.

I walked away from her believing I’d never be enough; I walked away from him knowing I deserved more.

i’m learning that i deserve someone who deserves me

Small Little Rocks

souvenirs from where i’ve
consumed.
sometimes they pile up and
build little homes inside me.
sometimes i can unclench
long enough to throw them
back into the water.

Look where you want to go, not where you’re afraid to go.

my dad told me this when i was learning to ride my bike and i always chant it to myself when i’m anxious

The only times you fucked me were when you fucked me over.

i let myself be played by you for too long

I’m so sick of closing my eyes to feel alive.

these days when my eyes are open, all i do is stare

Never date someone who makes you feel like shit– you can do that all on your own.

you made me feel like shit and for some reason I thought that’s what I deserved.

‘If you hate your scars, why do you do it?’ he asked.
‘Sometimes,’ she said, ‘the only way to get rid of all the pain in my mind is to feel it on my wrists.’

excerpt from a book i’ll never write #2

‘Sometimes’ she said, ‘I fear the dry days will become weeks and my insides will turn to desert.’

excerpt from a book i’ll never write