these mornings I find
my veins have drained
throughout the night
to create rivers running down my spine.
i’ve been drowning myself
in their cold waters these days, and
i’m starting to wonder
if it’s because part of me hopes
you’ll be swimming in them.
porcelain skin–
your heart bleeds and
stains you pink.
let me kiss your
black and blues.
let me run my fingers over
your scars and
read them like Braille,
so I can feel where
you’ve been
and what you carry
with you.
let me stare in awe at
the auroras of broken blood vessels
that read me stories each night.
I know the way your
cheeks bloom with roses
when I tell you they are
beautiful.
I know the way your
eyes shyly run away from
mine, but
every piece of art on
your body is a story I want to know
by heart.
they dunked me underwater
long before i could swim.
i was not born
with communion wafers dissolving
on my tongue.
they took my mind and
threw a snake in it.
a slithering snake that snarls
at humanity and
what they have become.
but i will laugh and dance while
i am ripe and still have the
recourse to forget.
motion is the only guarantee:
they’ve not stamped a cross
upon me yet.
not like fists and
bruises and whiskey
on your breath. not
darkness in eyes and
screaming.
not poison apples,
but i love you’s–
i love you too much.
i love you because i cannot
love myself.
toxic everything i own
in a pile on your floor,
toxic take all that is mine.
toxic maybe we can share
the burden, too.
toxic take, take, take
all the love
i don’t know how to give
myself.
dark blue– like childhood, like
memories. like
sinking into a dream.
bite marks on the black
plastic instead of
on your lips.
covered in stickers
of where you’ve been.
your heart’s been torn
off your sleeve and
the hole it left in the fabric
keeps unraveling.
i’m feeling too much
there is an overwhelming
pressure in my head.
every day we walk on
your back.
we stick needles in
your spine and fill
your lungs with our smoke.
we look you in the eye while
we close our hands around your neck.
every day you
love us, cleaning our spills
to cradle us again.
we are fleas, but
you love us even when we bite.
you keep trying to grow.
we keep trying to
cut you down.
i don’t have the ocean
in my eyes
or fire in my hair.
i was given
her dark traits, and
though they paint my face,
my heart is safe
because you have taught me
it is not my sacrifice
to this world.
i do not need
a phenotype to know
you are a part of me.
every time i’ve hidden
my mind from the world,
you’ve reminded me
sometimes it is okay
to scream.
every time i’ve wanted to fly,
you’ve stood behind me
and watched me go–
you believed i would soar
long before i knew i had wings.
let it be evident
through all i create, that you have
watered me well.
the ebb and flow
of tides.
the sun sets
and rises.
the look of love in
your eyes.
everything changes,
everything dies.
Silenticel 