i am restless
within, aching
for wildness 
running after a dream 
unsure of what it is 

i am hungry for dirt
and the smell of
rain, 
i feel uncooked inside
 
i am not ready to give myself
to anything 
because there is so much to know
so much to yearn for,
to love

i wonder what would silence
the hunger.

hungry heart // a.s.m 

i know you love me,
but it doesn’t make me
feel less alone

sometimes i want to ask you if
you’ve ever been
swallowed whole by something
entirely separate from yourself 
but something you know
was born inside you

fermenting in the warm, dark
parts
expanding & shrinking
breathing
feeding
off of words & feelings
you don’t have names or reasons for

sometimes i want to ask you
if there are parts of yourself
you’re not sure you can
control

but 

when i look in your eyes
unwavering
like nothing has ever made you
fear
your own mind

i know you love me,

i know you will say
no.

alone // a.s.m

We Look For Answers

wingedpiglets:

in the palms of our hands, 
on narrow roads that 
twist and intersect. 

in wishing well eyes, 
uprooting the fibrous tunic in
our frantic pursuit. 

in echoing cathedrals
where we lay our souls upon 
wilting flower beds. 

in brilliant garbage dumps,
piled high, distorted into 
siren’s songs. 

in the mountains and grasslands and
the coursing veins that run through 
the dirt we were and will be. 

in the folded up papers
whose true triviality is unknown
until we are weaved
back into the earth. 

in the booming echoes of
our voices as we stand on 
elevated hills and yell into the valleys 
below. 

where they cannot be found, 
for they reside far beyond
existence. 

the sky was bruised and blooming
above us, deep
purple and black

the pool lights darted
by our feet 
distorted and refracted.
scattered. 
moving with the water

i lay floating 
on my back, and

for the first time since
calling you mine, i felt
weightless. 

you wrapped your arms around
my waist

for the first time 
since calling me yours, 

you carried
me. 

when the weight returned 
to my body
we ran home

our wet footprints left
to dry 
beneath the winking moon.

night swimming // a.s.m 

there is peace, 
too much peace. 

these walls are saturated,
dripping, and sickly sweet with
the stillness of avoidance – 
nauseatingly daunting. 

there
is always movement underneath
a still surface, there is always
something
eager to erupt.

Krakatau // a.s.m

they’ll start from your roots, baby
while you’re still waiting 
to come out head first
it will enter your veins
and you won’t know
the poison you hold within you.

and with every touch of your
bare feet on the soil,
it will grow, it will spread
from the outside in.

how were you to know
you’d be born with death
inside you, and that with every breath
it would continue to grow?

pesticides // a.s.m 

The Seance

we drove
with the windows down
even though it wasn’t quite warm 
because it wasn’t cold, either.

and the boy with the curly hair
played Meat Loaf with the volume
at 37: 
And I would do anything for love
I’d run right into hell and back… 

i see your phantom whoosh
past on the side of the road
and wonder if i ever truly
felt your love, or
if it was just a ghost, 
too. 

we lock eyes. 
i laugh a laugh i thought 
i’d lost after i met you 

and watch you dissolve 
in the rearview mirror.