i am falling apart:
a 1000-piece puzzle
even i gave up on
half-way through.
you are the wind, blowing
my pieces every
which way and
i cannot catch them all.
the universe is shining
in my eyes,
so i let my hands down
to my side and watch
myself go.
they put my
heart on a gold platter
for you to hang
next to the deer and moose
heads on your walls.
my tongue, my lungs
severed and garnished with
flowers and herbs
for you to consume,
your stomach acids slowly
breaking down the only
cells in my body that
allowed me to sing.
i am sea bones, born
swaying to the
duple meter of
undulations rocking
my skeletal ship.
where waves melt
together into stillness
and skies become clear
with stars.
all is right
and nothing’s left,
it seems i’ve lost my
art.
no blood pounds in my
forehead, the seas within
are calm and i
have nothing left to say except
how lovely it is to really
smell the autumn air and
not be thinking of
how to write about it.
she’s at her ripest.
shedding rainbows from her limbs
before all turns white.
i was myself, once.
like i’ve been before;
a phoenix, fire of
autumn leaves regurgitates
me.
i find my voice in the songs
the river sings,
memory like the currents.
constantly moulting, but
keeping them in a scrapbook–
moments with blank spaces
in between
stitched together to make
a quilt.
i decompose.
sometimes i bloom with the azaleas
in the spring.
We are so eager to find home anywhere except within ourselves.
Sometimes events in your life aren’t meant to happen when you want them to. You can’t shove a puzzle piece where it doesn’t belong or else the puzzle as a whole won’t come out looking right. Our lives are puzzles in a similar way: in our relationships, jobs, hobbies, whatever-if the piece doesn’t fit quite right, it isn’t meant to go there. Trust that moving some pieces of your life around will fix the overall outcome of the greater picture.
Can you even really love someone if there aren’t parts of them that irk you?
there are places
i cannot look at myself
even when i am alone;
please don’t
touch me there.please love my naked soul,
please do not force
my layers off, do not force
my clothing off
before i am ready because
this body is the only thing that
i’ve ever been able to call my own
and i am not ready to
give that up yet; i’m not quite
ready to let you in.i am learning how to grow
my own boundaries from
the dust that has finally
settled, and this body is
the only vehicle i can drive.
i am not quite ready to
share it yet.i know you see beauty,
but the mirror paints stories of
pain and struggle and learning and
growing and scars and
bleeding
that only i see, and you can never
own that.i don’t want to belong to
anyone but myself.i cannot sell my body and
you cannot buy it.
i am scared to share something
i have only just learned to
love and care for because
with just a touch
you have the power to
break it.
Silenticel 