there is peace,
too much peace.these walls are saturated,
dripping, and sickly sweet with
the stillness of avoidance –
nauseatingly daunting.there
is always movement underneath
a still surface, there is always
something
eager to erupt.
i rolled a five
on the night skythe heavens say we’re tied
i’m tired
of playing with dicewho knows where we’ll land
tomorrow.
i lost my mind
somewhere between June
and July
when it all turned to sand
and i could no longer make sense
of cities and skies.
please don’t love me.
nobody knows better
than i,
it will be a waste of time.
i’d love your eyes more than
any eyes in my life,
i’d lose myself in them
for weeks at a time and
wake up hungover in
strange places.
the Turkish coffee cup
shards on the floor
draw blood.that delicate porcelain
holds eighty-two years of life,
wrinkled hands, cardamom
coffee-stained
smiles and desert air;
a shattered mirage on
hard, cold kitchen
tile.a thousand fangs,
they draw blood and make
home in the soles
of my feet.
you make me feel
something scary and
yet so comforting,
consuming. you are
a contradiction,
a recipe for disaster,
and yet i love you.
perhaps instinct
trumps common sense
in matters of the
heart.
perhaps my fear of
intimacy
will melt under your lips
and i will let you run them all over me.
i am escaping
into the night much like
the air from her mouth evaporates
into the wind as she says
goodbye.light no longer
reflects off of me:
i am absorbing so much
darkness,
she cannot find me
anymore.not being able to see
me means i’m already gone.
the only thing
she wraps her arms around anymore
is the darkness, and it is too cold,
i make her
shiver.
you’d heard the phrase “to love is to suffer” so you weren’t exactly surprised when the first time you saw his eyes you had stained the sheets red. but you had been so ready to cradle him in your arms and feel his beating heart that you ignored it.
twenty two years later you’re looking through his desk drawers while he’s out; not quite sure what you’re looking for, but knowing there must be a reason his eyes have looked so golden lately. there must be a reason he’s out so damn much.
when you hear the news, all you can think of is his heart, once so small and fragile. that heart that used to beat within your own body is now beating arrhythmically to the sound of train tracks on his arms. and you remember ‘to love is to suffer,’ yet you had never thought it would consume you so much.
you never knew that loving him would mean he would suffer, too. that often you’d hug him so hard, you’d leave a bruise. or that you’d love him so much, sometimes you’d try to save him from being himself.
the whole world’s
pulsing
at sixty two beats per minute.
you can feel it
in the rain. i’m not sure
if it’s a ticking time bomb
waiting to explode
or if something in the
gears are jammed.
i just wanted to
stop spinning
for a while.
when your mother tells you you’re beautiful
smile and say thank you.
do not tell her that you don’t really care how beautiful you look because: 1) you know your worth, and 2) your confidence doesn’t come from how attractive others find you.when your mother tells you what to wear
give in and let her dress you like a doll.
do not fight for your right to dress how you please; deny yourself the ability to represent your gender identity the way you feel comfortable. wear the goddamn dress to church.when your mother tells you you’ve gained weight
laugh and crack a joke.
do not tell her how rude and unnecessary her comment is, or that you wish she’d stop placing so much value on your looks, because it’s taken you a long time, but you’ve finally learned your weight does not define you or your beauty.when your mother says you ‘don’t need’ to be eating the coconut milk ice cream out of the carton,
tell her she’s right and put it back in the freezer.
do not take another bite and tell her to mind her own business because you can eat what you damned well please.do not remind her that you no longer share her body.
do not remind her that her opinion doesn’t matter anymore.
do not remind her you are not her mirror.
Silenticel 