it is always
mitigation with you,
always putting out fires but
never trying to prevent them
letting the sagebrush grow
just enough that you can
consume it again

but i thought you were the adult
here

i thought being an adult meant
knowing how to love
like really
love without hurting
each other

you yell at me from across
the table &
even in the dim light
i know there are eyes
on us

& in silence i stare at
you & marvel
that of all the conceptions
occurring in the year of 1994,
of all the uteruses &
fetuses to inhabit those uteruses
& consciousnesses to inhabit those fetuses
God decided to give me
to you

it hurts too much to think
there was no method to this

again, you apologize
& allow the act in itself
to forgive you

you snore heavily in the car
as i drive us home.
while you dream i wonder
when i will finally say
it’s okay

a.s.m

heavy heart,
filled with questions
but those eyes are dark
dripping caves,
you will never come out
alive.

what first stole your
breath
now grabs at your neck,
squeezing every last
murmur
out. there’s no use hiding
in the shadows– those
irises are made of what
blankets you.

you can’t hide // a.s.m

Looking back, I’m thankful that you hurt me. If you hadn’t, I probably would have stayed.

when you made me cry, I finally realized how bad we were for each other. so thank you for opening my eyes.

Toxic

not like fists and
bruises and whiskey
on your breath. not
darkness in eyes and
screaming.
not poison apples,
but i love you’s–
i love you too much.
i love you because i cannot
love myself.
toxic everything i own
in a pile on your floor,
toxic take all that is mine.
toxic maybe we can share
the burden, too.
toxic take, take, take
all the love
i don’t know how to give
myself.