Tag: tw

i want to bleed tonight. 
when nothing makes sense
i want to bleed out because
my heart’s not beating right. 

i want to bleed tonight because
deep wounds heal eventually; my
favorite reminder that everything ends
up alright. 

i bleed because i need to know 
i am flesh and blood and not a ghost.

the night of 9/23/15: sometimes i still have the urge to hurt myself but i write about it instead of actually doing it. it is not the same. // a.s.m 

i’m still dreaming
about razor blade kisses
on my thighs
on my arms
teasing tongue
on my neck.
my first kiss
ever,
always threatening
to be my last.
the only kiss
to ever make me feel
something.

i still dream of razorblade kisses // a.s.m

I. i saw your jar full of wrappers
and thought maybe you’d just developed
a sweet tooth recently. though
it never occurred to me that
white waxy wrappers
can carry
fun-dip powder and pixy stix, too. 

II. i knew something
was wrong when
clouds fogged your eyes (grey and heavy
with rain);
so heavy
they could not look straight.
so heavy
they kept sinking. 

III. at half past midnight you left
to ‘be right back.’
45 minutes later and i felt the thunder
shake the house; i knew
there would be rain 
in your eyes. 
At eight forty-five the next morning 
(you normally never wake up before eleven), 
you ‘stop at a friends’
before breakfast and return 
empty-handed but eyes full, 
veins full, blood full 
of calm, full of ocean waves and 
lullabies, full of 
ice so cold you feel like you’re 
on fire. 

IV. you are forgetting 
more and more 
about me these days. it seems
you’re drifting farther away, 
farther into
your veins. 

V. i know that
i don’t know
how your mind rolls
on the tracks in your skull.
i never will
feel the hunger in your veins
for a needle that bites 
so good. but every time a new
track mark paints your arm,
the train that’s riding them
runs over my heart.

for alex: i see you dissolving in front of me and am not sure what i’m supposed to do. // a.s.m